You Decide Why Your Band Sucks
Posted on | March 7, 2012 | 16 Comments
Your album is brilliant! And yet it’s so overlooked! All people want is pabulum like what’s on the radio!
I got news for ya, pal. The crap on the radio? It may be crap, but it’s extremely well-crafted crap. Armies of producers, engineers and in some cases songwriters worked nonstop to make sure that that awful Ke$ha song gets firmly lodged in your head, that what you remember about the new Katy Perry song is the hook and not a missed note in verse three. Before the label marketing machine kicks into high gear, these tracks are all poured over and analyzed and micromanaged so they’re tight, lean, and while maybe artificial, essentially designed to just work. Even less-popular, more-abstract critical darling bands get their stuff down – maybe they’re not selling millions, but they’re not just firing off some half-assed “brilliant idea” and waiting for the kudos to roll in – they too are all about the details and the craft.
Your genius ideas? Not so much.
Look, when it comes to record sales, I’ve barely sold enough to buy a cup of coffee. Most of my stuff gets bewildered looks and not universal adulation. So I feel your pain. Nonetheless, I’m the first to acknowledge that I have some serious limitations as a songwriter, producer, and performer. For example, I can’t write a goddamned bridge to save my life – every time I try it sounds like someone dropped another song in the middle of the first one and then clumsily edited them together. My vocal range is limited, my vocal technique is kind of nasal and honky, I don’t woodshed my violin parts enough, I routinely buy instruments I can’t play, and my love of ethnomusicological experimentation perpetually outstrips my knowledge of music theory. Every day I work to improve these and other things, but I’m reasonably sure I’m never going to improve them to the point where I’m ready for the big time. Subsequently, I’m not going to complain that Nicki Minaj sells more records than I do. I may think her songs are annoying, but I acknowledge that she sells for a reason. I’m not a huge fan of Radiohead’s later output either, but I get why people are often blown away by it. I simply make mistakes – or in some cases, choices – that they don’t.
Look, if you’re not a major star in the musical firmament – it’s not them, it’s you.
I spend time perusing the blogs and soundcloud and other sites, listening to a lot of unsigned or indie-signed bands. Many are quite good in concept, but the execution always, always falls apart in one or more of a few pretty straightforward areas. Maybe some of these things are someone’s artistic choice, and that’s entirely their prerogative, but if they make that sort of choice, they can’t automatically expect to still sell millions. Being bitter about someone who is selling well? Well, that’s just douchebaggery.
So what are you doing wrong?
Your vocals suck: This is the big one. Writing and performing a good vocal is a tremendously difficult thing to do, despite the fact that it looks easy and probably sounds easier when you’re alone in the shower. Pitch, tone, cadence, rhythm, processing, production, mixing – they all need to be spot-on, or your great vocal hooks won’t be remembered as great vocal hooks, they’ll be remembered as mediocre vocal hooks performed badly.
Pitch is a big deal, and it floors me how often I hear it badly, badly mangled. Sure, even the best vocalists drift a little, but they have enough control to get it back and not sound like someone blasting a boat horn during the chorus. Most of the time a vocalist’s pitch problems sound sounds like they could’ve been fixed if they’d just gone back and done a retake or even just comped that measure. It’s not rocket science, it’s just consistency. Of course, sometimes, it’s just someone who’s no good at staying in tune. For all the bitching people do about how artificial and annoying Autotune is, it’s still less annoying than a vocalist who is consistently a quarterstep flat.
Tone? Well, first you need to know your range. Just because you’re a manly dude doesn’t mean that you’re a good baritone, or because you’re a female that you’re automatically an ethereal soprano. Unless you’ve been practicing practicing practicing to extend your range, if you try and sing outside your natural range you’re going to sound like crap. Similarly, if you want a powerful, assertive voice, singing through your nose is going to make you sound no more powerful than your average Pet Shop Boy. Before you try all the crazy vocal histrionics and affectations that make your favorite artist sound so cool, get your basics right first.
Vocal cadence and rhythm are too often overlooked among indie bands. How many times in your average unsigned band’s song do you hear any melismatics? Most of the time, none, unless it’s a cover – you’re left with a one-syllable-per-note vocal that might as well just be someone playing jackhammer instead of singing. Now, think about how many times you hear someone put emphasis on a very weird part of a word in order for the lyric to scan properly? If I hear that stuff just once, that’s usually all I remember about the song – not the lyric, not the vocal melody, just the fact that they had to awkwardly emphasize the first word of “in July” or whatever to get it to fit.
Let me say this much about correct processing and mixing of vocals – no amount of crazy effects, fancy autotuners and pitch correctors, EQ, high-end compression or amazing microphone technology can rescue a shit vocal. Sure, loads of distortion may conceal the fact that your timing is a little off or that you don’t have good microphone technique - or you may just think it sounds really badass – but we’re back to the “decisions have consequences” issue – it may be an artistic choice, but stop bitching about not being able to sell it.
Your songwriting sucks: Maybe more nebulous to define, especially given the wide range of song styles out there. But hey, even a minimal techno song needs to go somewhere. If it doesn’t, it’s just background noise and nobody will listen by choice. All that cool programming you’ve done on those sounds may be super-awesome but it’s only going to connect with other people who program synthesizers, so you kind of have to prepare for that fact.
And if you’re trying to write a more standard song? Does your chorus sound just like a verse with different lyrics? Do you not have a bridge? Is your song just 3 chords over and over (and you’re not the Ramones)? If you answered yes to any of these, FIX IT.
Sure, you can say “oh, well, this is an example of Reichian minimalism.” Okay hotshot, I get it, you’re experimental, you’ve listened to Riley’s “In C” and you own a bunch of early Kraftwerk records. Fine. What you’re basically saying is that your audience is going to be limited to bunch of music students and/or fans of Krautrock. You’d sure as hell better be doing it well, too – just playing three notes over and over again with a DX7 marimba sound isn’t going to make you Philip Glass (and even he’s unlikely to get a song on the “Morning Zoo with Goober and The Blizz”, unless NPR undergoes a radical format change).
You can also say “well, that’s one of the conventions of my genre” for any stylistic choice you make. Nobody ever made it big hewing to genre conventions. Sticking to a tenet of your genre (or subgenre, or sub-sub-genre), especially if it’s counter to actually writing a good song, automatically dulls the impression the track could make.
Your Performance Sucks: This one is particularly prevalent in electronic music. I guess the ability for a bunch of IT guys to just fire up FL LogicBasletonTools ProX and bang out a track fosters this. A good performance has more than just notes and beats, it’s got some nuance, some form, and some dynamics. A bad performance is just some sounds played in a certain order. The problem, of course, is not restricted to the electronic genres, though. Bands that can’t quite start and stop together, drummers that can’t stay in the pocket over the course of a three-minute song, guitarists that hammer on a chord like they’re trying to split a log, bassists that believe they’re always the soloists, fiddlers that can’t stay on pitch, violists who assume that they’re intrinsically more interesting than everyone without actually having to practice, sax players who call poor embouchure “free jazz stylings”, horn players that assume they need to be the loudest thing on the record always and forever…it’s this sort of shit, people. Like a clammed note in a vocal, it’s the sort of thing that can be overcome with some diligence and a lot of practice. Sure, sometimes a sloppy performance is kooky and fun, and there’s whole genres devoted to sounding kind of terrible, like mumblecore or “shitgaze” and so forth…but when was the last time you saw a multiplatinum mumblecore record?
Your Lyrics Suck: Some people are natural poets. Some people aren’t. There’s often problems at both ends of the spectrum. A popular song needs to connect hard and fast, lyrically – that’s why so many are about basic, universal topics – the love song is ubiquitous for a reason, as is the sad breakup song, or the party anthem. It’s simple, direct, and comes with no baggage. Is it artistically great? Well, that’s open to opinion, but generally nobody’s gunna start a political movement with “Let’s party, baby.” So writing a song about mid-century epistemological philosophy or a brash treatise on the Italian futurist movement may be really cool, it’s going to limit your audience. Conversely, if your lyrics are just a string of profanity, trite clichés, or just “here are some words that rhyme”, again you’re not going to be drawing in the big crowds or critical raves.
It’s all down to choices. Your music is in your control, and your artistic vision is solely your own. Every decision you make has consequences, though, and whether that’s a deliberate choice to leave a warts-and-all guitar solo in the middle 8, or write a series of vexing lyrics or a 9-minute ambient-and-spoken-word track, it’s going to affect how the output is received. A genius song with a terrible vocal is still a song with a terrible vocal. You own your decisions, so it’s not the fault of the record industry, or of the pop-music belle du jour, or critics that don’t “get it”, or this nebulous fish-headed group you call “the masses.” If nobody likes your record, it’s because there’s something you did to it that made it unlikable, not because 200 million people were somehow brainwashed into not immediately realizing your genius. There’s a slim, outside chance that maybe “the world” just isn’t ready for what you have to say, but chances are, what you’re putting out just isn’t either connecting with people, or it isn’t good enough yet.
I know, I know, the kneejerk reaction is to decry the “least common denominator” effect. Yeah, whatever. That’s a lazy, arrogant argument.
If you don’t care how your music is received by anyone other than you and your bandmates, well, more power to you. That’s another decision only you can make. If you do care, then you have to sack up and take responsibility for your output. And quit bitching about what’s popular.
The 2011 Nully Awards: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly of The Past Year’s Music
Posted on | January 2, 2012 | No Comments
The Good:
Epic Tales of Epic Epicness Award
Florence and the Machine – Ceremonials
Another big, brash, over-the-top album from Florence Welch and company. Big drums, lush orchestrations and arrangements, wailing vocals, but surprisingly much more cohesive and “album-like” than her debut. It holds together well, but still manages to have single material like “What The Water Gave Me.” Also, the bonus tracks and demos on the limited editions are nearly as good as – in some cases, even better than – the album tracks.
Epic Tales of Epic Epicness Award II: The Epicness Strikes Back
M83: Hurry Up, We’re Dreaming
This album is exhausting. It’s great, in small doses. Big gorgeous walls of sound, much more confident vocals than on previous efforts, catchy tunes, but at 22 tracks, it’s the sort of album you really need to set aside a block of time for. Also the newfound love of vocal yelps and embellishments gets a little much after about 7 tracks. Still, it’s kind of an insanely breathtaking endeavor.
Rainbows, Suns and Moons Award
Above and Beyond: Group Therapy
A&B has always put out solid chunks of big room trance, from their collaboration with Oceanlab to the excellent Ajunabeats mix series. But this is something…different. It’s big, expansive trance, yes, but the instrumentals maintain a filmic quality (not the least of which is the track “Filmic”) and the vocal tracks do something rare for trance music: spotlight the vocals. Instead of random Hawkshaw-esque sopranos dreamily singing about dreaming dreams over 4-on-the-floor beats, we instead get the sultry alto of Zoe Johnston front-and-center, and the crooning of Richard Bedford. It’s refreshing, and catchy.
If This Is Selling Out, I’ll Take It Award
Camo & Krooked: Cross the Line
C&K jump to the awesome Hospital Records for their full-length debut, and in doing so took a lot of flak from critics accusing them of commercializing their sound. Yeah, their older stuff was harder, more neuro-funk stuff, and their new stuff is poppier and more in-line with what’ll get play on Radio One, but you know, I’m okay with that. The title track is catchy as hell, “All Fall Down” dabbles in dubstep without devolving into bass-wobble cliché, and “Breezeblock” has an offkilter jump-up beat that helps keep the track interesting while guaranteeing hours of entertainment watching drugged-out club kids fall over.
Okay Music, Good Plugin, Awesome Advertisement Award
Dada Life
Dada Life has been making some waves in the electrohouse community, and they do write some bangers. I wouldn’t consider them doing anything groundbreaking, but they’re fun. However, they’ve teamed up with a software developer to emulate their processing chain to produce a plugin called “Sausage Fattener” (well, they ARE Austrian, so you knew a sausage was going to surface eventually). The plugin is great, but likely to be overused to suck the dynamic range out of basslines for years. Better still, though, is their promo video for the plugin, which shows racks of outboard gear patched into what I believe is a knockwurst. Brilliant.
South London Party Music Award
Toddla T: Watch Me Dance
I don’t even know how to classify this album. Elements of house, reggae, rock, old-school rave, breaks, grime, 2-step all sort of collide into a bunch of bangers, there’s not really a bad track in the bunch. Not every one hits it out of the park the way the title track does, but every track would be at home on a boombox at a house party.
Dance Savvy Award
Katy B: On A Mission
The full-length by Katy B finally got a US release this year (even though it’s been out in the UK since mid-2010). It’s all straight-up dance music. A lot of it feels a bit calculated – hey look, here’s a UK Funky track with everything that entails – but whatever, it’s well-calculated, and she’s got a soulful diva voice that belies her young age and small stature. She’s been smart enough to recruit top producers like Skream, Benny Ill, Benga and Geeneus to put together one banger after another, even if some of them are sort of cliché.
Next Best Thing Award
DJ Fresh Feat. Sian Evans: Louder
I’ve wanted a new Kosheen album for a while. And I’ve wanted one with as much punch as their debut, but they’ve been busy trying to write rock songs and pop songs and the like. So now their frontwoman is collaborating with dubstep/dnb artist DJ Fresh, and I couldn’t be happier. “Louder” takes us through a range of tempos, glued together with Evans’ soulful croon.
Best Remix Album I Was Involved With (long player edition)
The Dark Clan: All My Ghosts
I mean, for real. I was particularly pleased with the mix I was involved with, partially because I got to coin the term “Chaalstep” – but there are some mind-numbingly good mixes on this disc, including a frenetic stormer by a resurgent Boole, and mixes by Ego Likeness and Wade Alin that are mindblowers.
Best Remix Album I Was Involved With (extended player edition)
Little Red Wolf: If Only We Were Remixed
A sweet, all-girl country-folk-pop-americana band happens to have a fondness for electronica and related dance musics. So they recruit their friends in the genre to remix their tracks. It’s kind of a brilliant move. In the five tracks on the album, they cover indie-tronica, dubstep, bolllywood, symphonic metal, and industrial noise.
Production! Award.
Caustic: The Golden Vagina Of Fame and Profit
Matt was savvy on his debut for Metropolis, recruiting a number of his friends and connections to co-produce his tracks. There’s still the manic energy and usual mix of rage, introspection and goofball humor, but with more polish than previous releases, thanks to Faderhead, Dan Clark, and others.
The Hell With Oversaturation Award
Ellie Goulding: Lights
It’s kind of fluffy, she’s got a vibrato that can cut glass, and she’s becoming ubiquitous enough to have toured with Katy Perry. But dammit, “Lights” is just a hooky album. Good songwriting, good production, good performance.
Compilations I’ve Really Enjoyed
UKF Bass Culture (drum-n-bass, dubstep)
Hospitality Drum & Bass 2011 (drum-n-bass)
Shogun Audio Presents: Way of the Warrior (drum-n-bass)
The Bad:
Skrillex Fatigue
I like Sonny Moore. I really do. He’s getting a bit repetitive, yes, but he’s entertaining to watch, and knows how to write (for better or worse) the kind of twitchy bass drops that get the dancefloor moving. But he’s EVERYWHERE, and not in a good way. It doesn’t bother me if he’s remixing La Roux, but when he’s collaborating with Korn, well, that’s a bridge too far. And he’s on the cover of Spin, Mixmag, and everywhere else. Yawn.
“Complextro”
Did we really need a name for this? It’s electrohouse guys who like chopping bits of basslines up. We get it. I think we’re on the 5th name for this genre in 15 years.
Katy Perry is a Brand
And not just Russell Brand. The fact that she can host Saturday Night Live and NOT be a musical guest, despite any discernible acting talent, pretty much says it all. Plus she was on the Simpsons making oral sex jokes. Really?
Justin Bieber Has a Perfume
WTF.
“Friday”
Further proof that nobody has any idea why things go viral.
The Ugly:
The Resurgence of Twee Pop:
Look, I spent much of the 90’s listening to pop bands fronted by pixie-ish british girls, and the first decade of the new millennium with Imogen Heap and others like her, so I’m generally okay with the twee. But it certainly feels like every new indie rock band is some guy with a sensitive neckbeard, a cardigan, and a ukulele trying to be “quirky” and writing painfully delicate, breathy, sugary, wispy melodies about nothing in particular.
Justin Vernon’s Goddamned Cabin.
I’m not a huge Bon Iver fan. They’re decent at what he/they do/does, I admit, but it’s just not my thing. But for the love of god, I cannot bear to read another piece of press about them, because it is rare to find one that doesn’t dwell on the fact that he recorded the album in a “cabin in the woods of northern WI.” Oh my god, a guy recorded something in a home studio. Quel surprise! First off, they do have things like “power” and “internet access” and “indoor plumbing” in the outskirts of Eau Claire – just because he’s not recording in New York City doesn’t mean he’s in a Unabomber shack. Second…so what? Is that the entire narrative? It was recorded in a cabin? That’s all you got?
“Witch House”
Conitnues. To. Be. The. Worst. Genre. Name. Ever. Additionally, I generally dislike genres that as a rule spend an awful lot of time and effort sounding like they spent no time and effort. Basically it’s a bunch of hipsters who found a 12” of “In The Flat Field” thinking that nobody else has done this since. What’s interesting is that they seem to be reinventing goth and industrial from first principles, seemingly unaware of the existence of the years between 1980 and 1997.
Korn Invented Dubstep
No. No they didn’t. Just because you use half-time drums doesn’t make you relevant. You still suck.
On Supper Clubs
Posted on | October 21, 2011 | 6 Comments
Prime Rib, with horrible tablecloth.
When you live in the upper Midwest, you quickly become steeped in the culinary tradition that is the Supper Club. They’re peculiar places, usually on the outskirts of town or in rural areas, in somewhat unassuming and rather dated buildings, often near travelers motels advertising “free color TV.” A brief revival has sent some of them into more upscale digs, and the nouveau supper club has become an entity of its own, usually offering fine-dining equivalents of the standard fare. Sometimes, you will find one in a strange part of the city, nestled between warehouses or parked in the middle of an urban stripmall – these are places that doggedly hang on, that were there when the land was little more than trees and meadows, before urban sprawl built up around them. They hang on either because of their reputations or because of a tenacious clientele, one that is progressively aging. A supper club of that vintage rarely advertises, and if you visit one you’re unlikely to find anyone under the age of 70 at the bar. You can count on such a place to have an inexpensive and at the very least serviceable menu.
And wood paneling. These will always have wood paneling.
These menus are vast, and a tribute to culinary Americana. While you may see an entry for “spaghetti and meatballs” or possibly some german specialty, this is not a place to go for ethnic or experimental food (although generally if you spot a northern European dish on the menu, it’s a recipe direct from someone’s grandmother and is likely to be good). This is hearty, down-home fare, heavy on meat and every now and again some sort of cream sauce. Roast (or sometimes broasted) chicken, steaks, and the less-adventurous fish. Occasionally surf-n-turf.
However, one generally doesn’t go to order off the menu. The nightly specials are the main reason one visits a supper club. And these specials are nearly identical from restaurant to restaurant.